Insights from Kathy Richardson

Navigating political discussions at family gatherings can be challenging, especially in the wake of a contentious election. But it’s possible to engage respectfully, even with different viewpoints, by grounding conversations in empathy, curiosity, and respect.

“A good place to start is by adopting a mindset of kindness and curiosity. Entering the conversation with the belief that most people are doing their best and voting in ways they feel align with their values can soften the tone,” said Dr. Kathleen Richardson, Assistant Professor of Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Lebanon Valley College.

When we ask questions instead of making assumptions, we open the door to genuine understanding without needing to change anyone’s mind. It can also help to use “I” statements rather than “you” statements—phrasing that keeps the focus on personal perspectives rather than general judgments. For instance, rather than saying, “You don’t care about (issue),” try, “I feel strongly about (issue) because…” This subtle shift can go a long way in keeping discussions open and non-judgmental, giving both sides the space to be heard.

Psychologist John Gottman, known for his work with couples, identified what he called the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. These destructive communication patterns don’t just apply to romantic relationships; they can easily creep into family or political discussions, especially when passions run high. If you notice the conversation turning toward contempt or criticism, it may be a good moment to pause, refocus, or even take a step back. Maintaining mutual respect, even when it’s difficult, can keep conversations from spiraling into unproductive or hurtful territory.

Sometimes, it’s okay to set a clear boundary around political topics. You might announce a “politics-free holiday” or establish a shared understanding that political conversations should remain respectful and considerate. If someone crosses this line, kindly saying, “This doesn’t feel productive—let’s shift to another topic,” can protect your peace and keep the gathering enjoyable. Setting this boundary isn’t about avoiding tough topics but ensuring discussions remain healthy and grounded.

“Staying tuned into your own emotions is also crucial. If you sense yourself becoming tense or defensive, take a breath and ask yourself if you need a break,” said Richardson. “Stepping away, even for a few moments, can give you a chance to reset and approach the conversation more calmly. Small gestures, like grabbing a drink or taking a quick walk, can help release the tension before it has a chance to build.”

One more helpful tool to avoid unnecessary conflict is recognizing common cognitive distortions. Heated political conversations often bring out cognitive patterns like “catastrophizing,” where people assume the worst possible outcomes, or “overgeneralizing,” where broad judgments are made based on isolated examples. Recognizing these patterns in yourself—and even gently pointing them out in others—can help keep discussions grounded in reality instead of escalating to extremes.

Ending a conversation politely, if things become too heated, is perfectly acceptable. Phrases like, “I think we’re at an impasse, and I’d rather enjoy our time together,” or “Let’s agree to disagree for now” can help avoid awkward tension without compromising your values. The goal at these gatherings is to reconnect, celebrate, and appreciate each other, and stepping away from political disagreements can sometimes be the best way to honor that.

Approaching these conversations with kindness, curiosity, and a commitment to setting boundaries as needed makes it possible to enjoy family gatherings—even in a politically charged season. Respectful dialogue is always within reach when we remain open, grounded, and mindful of each other’s humanity.